It exist in my thoughts because all day I've been going back to the past and re-thinking about the decisions that led me to today.  I cried mostly.  Mostly because of relief of praise to God that I have this life.  The other part was grief for the life I kept trying to revive and never gained.  There is this complicated.

I would like to know romance even though "chivalry is dead".  I hear laughter, not from anyone but just a longing.  Something permanent, because I want to stop searching.  It hurts because even I cannot exemplify them.